


Friendly Fire

by three_days_late



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [4]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Accidental shooting, Accidents, FebuWhump2021, Friendly Fire, Gen, Stabbing, Whump, minor blood, more like mentions of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29198742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/three_days_late/pseuds/three_days_late
Summary: “It’s fine,” Sanji said as he quickly staggered to his feet, doing his best to assure Usopp, “I’m fine.”“Sanji...it’s sticking out of your back.”
Relationships: Usopp & Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139261
Comments: 5
Kudos: 153
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	Friendly Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are at day four! The [Febuwhump](https://febuwhump.tumblr.com/) prompt for today is: Impaling!

“It’s fine,” Sanji said as he quickly staggered to his feet, doing his best to assure Usopp, “I’m fine.”

“Sanji,” he replied, the harpoon gun clattering to the ground at his feet. The color drained from his face as it rapidly morphed into panic despite his assurances, “It’s sticking out of your back.”

It was, but other than the stabbing pain radiating from where the harpoon entered his body just below his ribs, and from his back where he supposed it came back out again, he was fine.

“Really,” he tried to stand up straighter, but immediately felt light headed and stumbled. He caught himself on some nearby crates and took a deep breath to steady himself, wincing as the action tugged at the harpoon in his side, but said, “I can barely feel it.”

“Would you just, stop moving?” Usopp said, voice cracking as his panic mounted, and came to his side, “You’re gonna rupture a spleen or something.”

“I think if I was going to rupture something, it would have happened already.” He leaned against the crate and put on the best smile he cold muster, “I’m fine.”

“Stop saying that, you’re not fine!”

Usopp was in full hysterics now, so Sanji slipped his hand into his pocket to look for a cigarette.

“And for the love of fuck, stop moving!”

“Or what?” He pulled out a cigarette and his lighter, lit it, and put it in his mouth as casually as he could, ignoring how the movement shifted the harpoon and made the pain worse, “You gonna shoot another harpoon at me?”

Usopp winced as if he’d been slapped, and maybe it was too soon to joke about this whole thing while the harpoon was still sticking out of his body.

“Stay here.” Usopp wasn’t looking him in the eye, but his voice was determined nonetheless, “Don’t move. I’ll go find Chopper.”

It took a while for him to find and bring back their doctor, during which time Sanji finished three cigarettes and had started playing with the harpoon’s handle. He figured it couldn’t be that hard to just yank the shitty thing back out, and had gotten a good grip on it to do just that when Chopper and Usopp came racing around the corner.

“Don’t,” Chopper instantly slapped his hand away when he saw what he was doing, “Don’t touch it.”

“It’s gotta come out eventually, right?” He asked as he let Chopper poke and prod him as he examined the wound.

“Right now the only thing keeping your blood in your body is the harpoon,” he explained as he dug around in his bag for something, “Once you take it out, you’ll start bleeding freely, and I want to at least try and get you someplace that’s not an unsterile dockyard before that.” He looked up at him with as stern a face as he could muster, “And if you just yank it out the way it came in, the hook is going to do even more damage.”

“So what do we do?” Usopp said, clenching his fists at his sides, but Sanji could still see his hands shaking.

“We need to get him back to the ship. If we take it out there, I can stitch him back up right away and hopefully he won’t lose too much blood.”

“The ship’s docked on the other side of town!” Usopp exclaimed, “He’s just supposed to walk around with a harpoon sticking out of him?”

“I told you,” Sanji insisted, “I’m fine.”

“You are very far from fine,” Chopper sighed and looked up at Usopp, “Do you have a knife?”

He quickly produced one from his bag and handed to him.

“We can’t cut the handle off because it’ll leave splinters in the wound when we pull it out,” he said as he ducked behind Sanji and began sawing just above the steel tip, “But we can cut off the hooked end at least, so it doesn’t jostle around as much when we move you.”

“Splendid,” Sanji said as he took a drag from his cigarette, “I hate jostling.”

“How did this happen anyway?” He asked as he continued his sawing.

Sanji and Usopp glanced at each other, but Usopp looked away quickly and bit his lip before saying, “There were these pirates attacking the docks here, about one hundred, no two hundred of them.”

“Oh, at least three hundred,” Sanji added, “By my estimate.”

“We heroically jumped into the fray, and dispatched them all easily.”

“My count was at two hundred and twelve,” he nodded, “I assume Usopp took the rest.”

“The pirates were fleeing for their lives from our awesome might, when their captain showed up. He was huge, at least ten, no, twenty feet tall and fifteen feet wide.”

“Huge guy. Definitely half giant or something.”

“And he had this harpoon launcher that was almost as big as him. It shot like fifty harpoons at once.”

“Just a constant downfall of harpoons.”

“Oh no!” Chopper gasped.

“Oh yes,” Usopp continued. “Luckily with our Haki we were able to dodge them, but, uh.” He trailed off, looking at the ground as he bit his lip.

“One of the pirates was really cute,” Sanji shrugged, “I got distracted.”

“Yeah,” Usopp nodded quickly, “So he got hit. But luckily I was able to use my mighty Black Kabuto to unleash an epic Pop Green assault that sent the captain back to his ship in fear of the great Captain Usopp.”

“Wow,” Chopper glanced between them wide-eyed, “You guys are so brave! And you’re lucky it was just the one harpoon.”

“Yeah,” Usopp looked away and rubbed the back of his head, “Lucky.”

Sanji winced as the end of the harpoon came off and clattered to the ground.

“Okay,” he handed the knife back to Usopp and shifted into his Heavy Point. He lifted Sanji into his arms and held him much more carefully and gently than Sanji felt was necessary, but since it was Chopper he didn’t complain, “Let’s get you back to the ship.”

Despite Chopper’s best efforts, the race through town did jostle what was left of the harpoon quite a bit, irritating the wound and causing the pain to spread across his torso.

Maybe he wasn’t fine, was his last coherent thought before he passed out.

* * *

Sanji woke up on the bed in the infirmary. The sun was already set, and he cursed himself for sleeping through dinner.

A chair squeaked nearby, and he turned to find Usopp sitting there, face drawn and shaking a little as he watched him.

“You’re awake,” he said when he noticed Sanji watching him.

“Yeah,” Sanji sat up, trying and failing not to wince when his side protested at the movement, “What time is it?” he asked more to distract Usopp from his pain.

“After dinner, oh, here,” he reached over and grabbed a bowl of soup that was sitting on the table, “It’s not as good as yours, but it’s something I can make and Chopper said you shouldn’t eat solids yet anyway.” He fiddled with the spoon, “Do you need me to, uh-”

“I can feed myself.” He took the soup from him and swallowed a spoonful. The carrots were still a little hard, and it could have used more garlic, but overall it wasn’t bad, and Sanji appreciated the effort, “Thanks.”

“Yeah, well,” he looked away and rubbed his arm, “This is my fault, so it’s the least I could do.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over this,” he said after another spoonful, “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You almost bled out.” Usopp rubbed his face, “Chopper almost ran out of your blood type. He’s off robbing a blood bank or something right now just in case your condition worsens.”

“He worries, it’s his job.” Sanji finished the soup and set the empty dish on the table, “Seriously, I’m fine. Or I’ll be fine or whatever, so stop this,” he gestured at Usopp, “blame game you’re playing.”

Usopp shot him a look, “Why aren’t you mad?”

He blinked and frowned, “Why would I be mad?”

“Because you’re Sanji, and you get mad about everything.”

“I don’t get mad about _everything_.”

“You literally kicked me out of the kitchen the other day when I tried to paint at the table.”

“That acrylic shit you use is impossible to clean once it dries! And that’s where we have to eat! No one wants to each at a table that’s polluted with shitty paint fumes!”

“See?” Usopp insisted like he’d made some kind of point, “That makes you incensed, but when I shoot you with a harpoon it’s all ‘Don’t worry, Usopp, I’m fine, it’s not your fault you shot me with a harpoon and I almost died.’”

“I didn’t almost die-”

“You got pretty damn close!” He grit his teeth and looked away, fists tightening on his knees, “Too damn close.”

“Absolutely not.”

Usopp glanced back at him, so he continued, “I refuse to die from something as ridiculous as friendly harpoon fire. That shitty mosshead would never let me hear the end of it.”

“Well, you’d be, you know, dead,” he pointed out, “So you wouldn’t be hearing anything.”

“Nope. When he eventually joins me in hell, he’s gonna bring up my ridiculous death and never let it go, and I refuse to spend my eternal damnation listening to him shit on how I died.”

“Why are you more upset about Zoro dunking on you in the afterlife then you are about me almost killing you?”

“Because you shooting the harpoon at me was an accident,” he waved him off, “And it was more my fault anyway. I should have gotten out of the way. But that shitty moss will definitely dunk on me in hell on purpose, so that’s a more pressing concern.”

“You’re the one who got shot,” Usopp said, ignoring all his good points about Zoro being a dick, “It’s not your fault.”

“So we agree,” he said as he settled back down on the pillows, “It’s no one’s fault.”

“No, it’s my fault,” he insisted, “I was the one holding the launcher. I was the one who fired the harpoon.”

“You didn’t realize I was in the way, and you didn’t mean for it to go off.” Usopp made to protest again, but Sanji cut him off, “You didn’t try to kill me, it was just an accident. So I don’t blame you. And you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

He bit his lip, not quite convinced yet.

Sanji sighed, “But if you really want to make it up to me...”

“Yeah?” Usopp leaned forward, “What do you need?”

Sanji slid his eyes over to him, “If my death is ridiculous, you have to make sure Zoro’s is five, no, ten times more ridiculous.”

“You, want me to kill Zoro?”

“Not necessarily. Just, if he’s on his death bed, maybe try and make him slip on a banana peel or something.”

“Okay, sure,” he let out an exasperated sigh, but Sanji could see a smile creep onto his face. Mission accomplished, “I’ll do my part to make Zoro the laughing stock of hell.”

“Good,” he nodded, “Then we’re even.”

“Try and get some sleep,” Usopp said, and he noticed the last linger tension leave his body, “Apparently you have a spleen to regrow.”

Sanji chuckled, but did as he said and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
